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Posted: Wednesday December 21, 2016
“Kristmas Kraft”: A Very Short Story

Happy Christmas!

And yet.

Let us, for a moment, turn over the damp rock and have a look at the wriggling things.

Objective reality in our culture has become a corporate performance of make-believe, and the disassociation and confusion this causes in our private lives often triggers uncontrollable tragi-comic effects. M.A.C. Farrant’s characters manifest these absurdities in vacuous lethargy and/or destructive violence, which they act out in a context of the most excruciatingly bright banalities imaginable. As in all such relentlessly absurdist dystopian social parodies, there resides behind each of these brief entertainments a stifled scream for help, a trapped yearning for the awe and wonder of what we have become estranged from, an arrested lust for meaning.

Please enjoy the following story, its zoom-in on grotesque mundanity, which is found on page 104 of Down the Road to Eternity: New & Selected Fiction, a collection of M.A.C. Farrant’s work dating from 1985 to 2009 ($19.95). This story was originally published in 1995 in Farrant’s book Altered Statements.

Satiric and philosophical in approach, indelibly marked by wit, humour, irony, playfulness, a blend of parody and science fiction, irreverent analysis and comic existentialism, Farrant’s stories celebrate the literary imagination as an antidote to the stranglehold the popular media now has on the public’s imagination.

So, again with more gusto, we say: Happy Christmas!

Kristmas Kraft

I heard about this cute Christmas gift idea that you can make at home—your own Kraft nativity scene, colourful too, and mmm yummy.

First hollow out a three pound brick of your favourite luncheon meat so that it resembles a stable and so that you, looking down through its roof, look like an angel. Then put your stable onto a cookie sheet and surround it with shredded coconut. This is the hay. Next stick four tooth picks into four wieners and stand them up. Top each wiener with a Kraft green olive. These are the cattle. For Mary, top an upright cocktail wiener with a Mini-Mallow and use strands of coconut for her hair. A hollowed out Maxi-Mallow will do for the manger and the infant Jesus will be a cocktail wiener wrapped in a Kraft cheese single. Surround the table and the hay with Miracle Whip and shredded Velveeta Cheese.

Take a picture.

Then place your Kraft nativity scene in a three hundred and seventy-five degree oven for forty-five minutes. Serve when friends drop over on Boxing Day or use as a festive centre piece, a Merry Christmas gift from Mom in the kitchen, that happy lady, that wise shopper.